Why do you taste like heated, worn out, tan rubber bands? What’s more slippery you or an indoor water slide?
Do you want to be kale or cabbage? Is your name green because you make people choke on your disgusting seagull-killing-clean-polluting plastic taste?
Do you only appear in special occasions because people need to put more energy in making you 1/2000th decent at best?
Why do you insist on being cooked in bulk all the time?
When are you not sitting in a pot? Is meat added to you to distract from the lack of character and feeling that you offer like a boring and long-winded radio host?
Is sticking out like a sore thumb your motto? You must be aware that you don’t belong as a side dish or on along with any edible food for that matter, right?
People throw you away with the plate facing down in attempt to no longer see your or is it because they are embarrassed about how bad you tasted? Your camo green isn’t enough? Do people still know you are there through your landfill garbage smell that’s powerful enough to knock someone out cold?
Why do you have the same consistency as dog poo?
Don’t you belong in the ocean as your secret identity: seaweed?
Are the leftover juices actually leakings of acidic liquid from a nuclear power plant that you were grown and processed from? Is this another attempt by the government to poison the people? Were the FDA conveniently paid off to overlook the disgrace that is collard greens?
Why is your name green when you make me feel red with displeasure? Or are you green because you resemble the many colors of vomit?